My wife has gallstones
and can’t fully digest animal fats.
Sometimes she gets sick
after she eats red meat.
Like the time we were going to
the Pantages Theatre to see “If-Then”
starring Idina Menzel
and before the show we ate
at this chic upscale diner.
We both ordered their 1/3-pound
signature angus classic burger.
I sent mine back because
it was too greasy to eat.
The guy in the next booth got upset
and told me that’s how they make them
and tossed a twenty dollar bill onto our table
as we were leaving.
My wife puked her burger into a trash can
at the corner of Hollywood and Wilcox
I bought some Alka-Seltzer for her
at the drug store across the street.
The show was good.
We both liked it a lot. Spoiler:
the intelligent multiverse conspires
to bring the fated lovers together
in two different timelines.
Like at the math conference
at Asilomar twenty years ago
when Walter was late meeting
us in the lobby because
he got food poisoning from
the Christmas rum balls
Stuart’s wife gave him.
So instead of meeting Walter
I met Arlene and the next day we
went for a walk on the beach
and then we got married.
We’re grilling hamburgers for dinner tonight
and I’m hoping this is the timeline
where the fated lovers watch Jeopardy
and go to bed early.