This page is for my good friend D’s limericks.  These were originally posted on Reddit.  D told me these were inspired by reddit/r/HermanCainAward. Here is D’s explanation of what happened next:

There were dozens and dozens of them. Then the reddit admins took over the sub and applied a bunch of rules that ruined it. I feel semi-responsible, being in general an agent of chaos.

I vouch, these limericks are wind-up direct full-frontal attacks on Covid-conspiracy theorists, anti-vaxxers, anti-maskers and religious fanatics featuring a whole host of comical and creative soon-to-be-deceased characters. If you are triggered by such topics, please read on!  Then go get your damn vaccine!

So here you go, D’s Super Chaotic and Subversive But Oddly Funtastic Outlaw Covid Limericks!


~

A man with a dashing goatee
Said “Face masks were not meant for me!
I won’t get the shot
and Fauci can rot!”
They scattered his ashes at sea

~

A covid denier named Eddie
Declared he was simply not ready
To get the vaccine
“The idea is obscene!”
Now Eddie is sickie in beddie

~

A perky young lass named Lenore
Thought taking precautions a bore
The covid germ found her
And all those around her
The lassie is sassy no more

~

When Barbie and Russell were wed
They believed what conservatives said
And now it’s too late
To inoculate
Because both of the lovebirds are dead

~

A radio pundit named Dave
Said “The liberals better behave
Don’t follow them people
Unless you are sheeple”
Now Dave’s in a grave near a cave

~

A weed-smoking boomer named Mable
Thought covid was merely a fable
“The disease is a hoax!”
She declared between tokes
Now Mable is dead on a table

~

A fat covid doubter named Horace
Said “Your liberal policies bore us!”
We sang “See ya later”
To his ventilator
And Horace did not hear the chorus.

~

A housewife in Texas named Wendy
Thought health care was getting too spendy
“A gofundme request
Is probably best
And these days it’s becoming quite trendy!”

~

A man who can feel his lungs fraying
Is begging his warriors for praying
He should have been masked
The manager asked
But he sure owned the libs! I’m just saying

~

I don’t want to speak out of turn
But these people have something to learn
Despite what they say
About mRNA
You can’t own the libs from an urn.

~

A redneck named Ron was obsessed
With a list that he kept in his vest
His belief in hydroxy
From hat down to socksy
Was badly misguided at best

~

Stella consulted her list
Of targets for gofundme grift
She said “I’m upset
About no safety net,
But at least we are not communist!”

~

Alberta said it’s not your place
To mandate a mask on my face
I’ll only deny it
Protest and defy it
She died at a quite rapid pace

~

Don’t bother to send them a card
When their life situation gets hard
Your love flows like honey
With gofundme money
But otherwise just disregard

~

Randy did not want the shot
Because of a possible clot
Don’t judge the dude
For his attitude
His rock n roll tribute was hot

~

Kenneth said “Pussies are woke
A vaccining mandate’s a joke”
His kids caught it too
And it wasn’t the flu
He should have just gotten the poke

~

A covid denier named Sally
“Said horse-paste is right up my alley
And oils are essential
and teas elemental”
They buried her down in the valley

~

Larry and Mary and gin
Hooked up for an evening of sin
Intubation is scary
Especially for Larry
Who never saw Mary again

~

Larry watched toxic Tic Toks.
With Trump on his hat and his socks.
He posted bad memes
It’s worse than it seems
Now Larry’s a stiff in a box.

~

The wedding was held in a tent
But it didn’t go quite how they meant
They danced cheek to cheek
And were dead in a week
From a super spreader event

~

Elizabeth sang in a choir
The music was meant to inspire
The whole congregation
Is sick with contagion
The choir situation is dire

~

Kathy predicted her doom
Every time someone entered her room
“The doctors are lying
They’re not even trying”
The words were inscribed on her tomb

~

Wes was a God-fearing man
He carried his worms in a can
He caught the dread germ
And spent weeks infirm
A victim of God’s holy plan

~

Nurse Nancy thought she knew the score
But her medical knowledge was poor
It’s too late to repent
When you go on the vent
Now Nancy’s not nursing no more

~

A Medicine Hat candidate
Voted against a mandate
A councilor no more
He lay dead on the floor
Referred to from here as “the late”

~

Kathy composed as she went
Down the hallway to go on the vent
About liberal logic
With memes pedagogic
Her witty post never got sent

~

Alice was pretty repetitive
Her meme game was hardly competitive
She died unaware
There was snot in her hair
Cause the nurses had gave her a sedative

~

Larry’s friends Steven and James
Suffered from multiple shames
They died telling fibs
And owning the libs
They went to the place with the flames

~

A guy with a head like a thumb
Said “Liberals are certainly dumb
This tub of horse paste
Is going to waste”
And he gobbled up every last crumb

~

Pastor Jeff preached gospel well
His voice rang out clear as a bell
There will be no tithe grab
When he’s cold on a slab
Because Paster Jeff’s going to hell

~

Their disdain for science was kept
So the congregation was swept
They could have survived
And lived on and thrived
But not them. It’s the end. Jesus wept.